


SnK drabble stash

by sihaiya



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Multi, each drabble is properly tagged at the top of its page
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-02-11 01:41:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 7,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2048469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sihaiya/pseuds/sihaiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A place for all my works that aren't long enough to require a post of their own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Do you hate me? (ereri)

**Author's Note:**

> ereri | sfw | post-canon | **major character death** | [kink meme prompt](http://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/8414.html?thread=7565278) | [also on my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)

He can still remember the first time he uttered those four words: the sunset was lightly brushing the room, Eren was sitting on that red sofa still sporting the bruises he'd gave him and they didn't have so much meaning as they would then acquire over the years.

_"Do you hate me?"_

Sure, that time he was worried about what the boy could think of him, about how such a premise could have hindered their officer-subordinate relationship, but now, well now it simply looks so laughable. In time they had grew to each other, slow at first and then with spikes of hurried need every time something had gone wrong, and this happened quite often to be honest. In time those four words had became a sort of ritual, a way for him to reassure himself of Eren's trust, camaraderie, friendship, affection, even love in the end, when finally they survived the titans and lastly gave up to their always careful hidden needs, and even though he always get the same response, this never stopped the blind fear in his heart every time he waited for Eren's answer.

And is fear the one he's feeling now, knowing this is the last time he's going to say those four words. They knew it for a long time, if they managed to survive the war age gap would be their curse, but he's not regretting anything, only... only he cannot help but being afraid, 'cause this time he's leaving Eren alone for real and he cannot be here anymore to get to his rescue, as always.

And so here they are, again, cracking his old and tired lips open one last time, pretending to take advantage of one of his last breaths.

"Do you hate me?"

He can see Eren's beautiful eyes soften with fondness despite the tears silently running down his cheeks.

"I could never." He whispers, trying to smile, before leaning down to enclose his lips in a soft kiss, taking away in his retreat also the last breath of his lover.

"Farewell, Heichou." Eren salutes, a trembling right hand on his heart, tears still running wild but eyes sparkling with deep determination. "See you next life."


	2. I didn't sign up for this shit (ereri)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> implied ereri | nsfw | canonverse | horny Eren | walked in on | Jean's pov | [also on my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)
> 
> I don't even know, but I needed something lighthearted for once. Don't take this seriously. Don't. Really.

Jean is returning from his last cleaning duty when he passes by the Commander's quarters and sees the higher ups leave them after the last meeting. Only a couple of days and they're going to leave the walls in the 57th expedition and so this week it's been a busy one for everyone, veterans and recruits, all brushing up plans and strategies and preparing for the depart.

"Kirschtein."

Captain's voice draws his attention and when he turns to him he almost get hit in the face by a key. Caught off guard he scrambles to catch it before answering to his officer, baffled. "Sir?"

"I thought I was done for the day, but Hanji still needs me. Also she needs the documents lying on my desk, go catch them for me."

Jean nods, saluting, before leaving muttering to himself how he didn't sign up to spend most of his time cleaning and running errands. When he opens the Captain's door to his quarters, however, his sour mood drops together with the key he provided, that falls to the ground with a metallic rattle.

On the above mentioned desk there's Eren, buck-ass naked and sprawled on his back on complete display, a couple of fingers buried inside him while his other hand is lazily stroking his length.

"Finally you're back..." He purrs and Jan doesn't know why, but he's sure that Jeager shouldn't be able to emit that kind of sound.

Unable to speak, not even sure if because of second hand embarrassment or what else, he stares at the other boy while he raises his head to look in his direction.

"Oh. It's you horse-face."

Probably is the nonchalance the brunet is shoving to make him snap despite the absurdity of the situation. "The fuck are you doing Jeager."

Eren stares at him with his best 'are you shitting me' expression, a just raised eyebrow, and then gets up, leaning against the edge of the desk, still naked and apparently not even a bit ashamed by it.

"Where's Levi?" He asks, annoyed.

It takes a few moments before Jean understand he's referring to the Captain, to the little sadistic midget who wears them out every day during training. At the sudden realization that Jeager is actually fucking him everything seems to take more consistency in his mind and he finds himself unable to speak, blushing like a little schoolgirl.

"You know what." Eren spats without waiting for any real answer, clearly starting to enrage. "He and his recent shitty mood because of too many meetings made me wait for some action for days by now, so, unless you're planning to take his place, go tell him that if he doesn't hurry to bring his ass here I'm going to milk myself dry on his couch leaving to him the pleasure to clean it." He blurts out, his eyes glistening with something the other prefers not to label, nor even to think about too much.

Jean keeps staring at him, a little voice in his mind underlining the offer the brunet just made him. He shakes his head a bit, as to clear his thoughts, and then he gathers the key from the floor, takes a couple of steps back and close the door, locking it back.

Once outside in the hallway he lets out a deep sigh, trying to fix in his pants the half boner he's currently sporting. No, he's not going to take Captain's place, he's not risking to have his officer ripping him a new one, even if this mean going to somehow report to him about what he's just seen...

"Holy fuck, I didn't sign up for this shit." He mutters, groaning, before heading towards Major Hanji's office with the resigned pace of a man condemned to an unavoidable and painful death.


	3. [scrap] Back to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit that the new ova trailer got me heavily hyped and reminded me of this little thing that was dusting in my folders, so have this scrap from a chapter of [Back to you](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1583990) that probably will never see the light.
> 
> platonic eruri | implied ereri | sfw | alternate canon | reincarnation | Levi's POV | [also on my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/scrap)

The steady rhythm between your punches and kicks helps you to focus, that's for sure, but not enough to keep you away from brooding over the usual damned bright-eyed brat who's pestering your mind: if it weren't for this reincarnation shit you're quite sure you wouldn't have given a damn about him, and this is probably what pisses you off the most.

 _And yet you liked his attitude already before knowing about it_...

You shake your head to shush the little voice prodding you, trying to focus only on your body and on the fluid movements you're imposing to it, nevertheless you are aware that you'll never know where the truth lies, that you'll never know how much of the present you is yearning for the boy - and you don't even know in what way - and how much you're instead compelled to do it by this foreign presence that has taken place inside of you.

 _And this is one of the reasons why you can accept him for what he is, you're both alike_.

At this thought you suddenly stop and start to laugh hysterically: you don't emit a sound, your face almost remains the same as usual, blank except for a thin lift at one of your lips corner, but your body starts shaking almost violently and you need to grab the dummy to get an hold of yourself.

"Levi, are you ok?"

Erwin's concerned voice shakes you out of your state and you look up to meet his gaze while a heavy resignation about your entire life fills you. "I'm so screwed..."

He walks up to you, almost invading your personal space, raising a hand to your face. "When I saw you from my study hitting the dummy without even having bandaged your hands I imagined it." He gently murmurs, not hinting to touch you, as you trust him to do by now, and damn how much you love him for this.

"I'm sweaty." You grumble, surly, but in spite of this you lean forward to meet his soft touch, basking in it and then nuzzling his palm, before he abruptly pulls away.

"We got company." He whisper, hinting at the bunch of people who gathered in the courtyard while you both weren't paying attention before addressing to you a playful smile. "How about me as sparring partner for old times' sake? We can give them a little show."

You roll your eyes, feigning annoyance but smirking at him while he stretch his arms and you make a couple of steps back to give you enough room to freely move. "You're almost forty, sure being able to still keep up with me?"

He laughs wholeheartedly, but this doesn't serve as a distraction: while you sprint towards him, turning to the side and lifting your left leg to hook his one and unbalance him, he's already aiming at your face with a right jab. You parry his blow with your forearm, as well as the subsequent one, before counterattacking but then you are forced to avoid his knee with a small leap backwards. He doesn't give you time to breathe and uses his already lifted leg to aim at your head whit a round kick. You put your weight on your left leg, bending enough to avoid him while cursing at his unbelievably long limbs, and then you take advantage of his open guard, dashing into him pointing to his side the knife you pulled out from your boot when you were lowered down, with enough strength for him to feel its tip scraping at his shirt.

"You forgot I don't play fair, Commander..." You purr with a satisfied smirk when he stiffen at the metal's contact.

He raises his hands as a sign of defeat, giggling a bit with amusement before draping an arm around your lower back to spur you to stop threaten him and set yourself at his side. "I haven't, but now your mood has improved, didn't it?"

You scowl at him, shaking a bit your head. "Manipulative bastard."

He chuckle at your muttering and then he frees you from his gentle grasp, starting to walk beside you towards the main building's entrance. "Anything for you. I owe you." He murmurs, leaving you to wonder about what he exactly is referring to between all the shit you've been through while he's escorting you to your quarters with his soothing and silent presence.


	4. Too old (ereri)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> implied ereri | sfw | canonverse | crackish | [also on my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)
> 
> A sort of sequel to [I didn’t sign up for this shit](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2048469/chapters/4479045), so don’t take even this one seriously, really.

"I'm too old for this shit."

It's not the first time Erwin acts as a confident, or better as a quiet listener to vent to, for his Captain, but this is actually the first time he had heard Levi call himself old. He had thought it was bound to happen, sooner or later, but he also had thought that the trigger would be something like the neverending titans beyond the walls, having to endure the MP's bullshit or maybe Hanji in one of her teasing contests to see what is more efficient to make Levi snap once and for all. He never had thought it would be this.

"I'm serious Erwin, I've no more the endurance I got years ago." Levi's voice is a bit rasping and his features are clearly tired, with deep bags under his eyes.

He keeps himself silent, first because he knows that Levi needs to let it out and second because, well, he's not sure the other really wants his two cents about the topic, or even remembering he's actually saying all of this to someone.

"This morning I bent over to clean a persistent stain on the floor and he dared to pop a boner just watching me."

It's obvious how Levi is trying to act annoyed, but to Erwin is clear that under the act the other is really concerned about it.

"Levi…" He starts, almost in a whisper, maybe to test the waters before really speaking.

"I cannot Erwin. Most of the times I'm too bruised or too exhausted to even _think_ about get it up, let alone do it." He shakes his head, sipping then from his cup of tea with an almost inaudible sigh. "It could have been a good idea at the start, but now..."

He doesn't need to finish the sentence, 'cause Erwin perfectly knows what he's leaving unsaid: it could have been a good idea at the start, when he was seeing their relationship as an outlet for some pent up physical frustration - maybe a bit encouraged on this way of thinking by Erwin himself, who was seeing the nascent bond like something useful to build up Eren's loyalty - but now Levi is becoming emotionally attached to the boy and is probably terrified to be left behind for some younger scout with a more vivid sex drive.

"Levi…" He tries again, a bit concerned about one of his best friends starting to rant like he's never done before.

The other gets suddenly up on his feet from the couch, apparently unaware of his attempt to start a not totally onesided conversation.

"Always the clever one, Eyebrows." He mutters to himself, as if he had just received a tip from the other. "None of this prevents him from fucking me. Time to change things around, he'll melt in ecstasy at the idea of a little role reversal."

Erwin stares at him storming out of his quarters without another word, lips a bit parted in disbelief. Did he really needed to know all of this? Not really, but at least the apparent crisis is avoided, or at least delayed.

It takes him a few moments before recomposing himself and letting out a little sigh.

"I'm really too old for this…."


	5. Divine sparks (eruriren)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eruriren | sfw | alternate canon | [also on my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)
> 
> I felt the urgency to write this down. It could be the prologue to something biggest? I do not believe it. But never say never…

A long long time ago, when most of the people started to lost their faith in Them, thereby depriving Them of Their power and of Their own existence, They decided before vanishing to leave a last gift to humanity. They divided Their essence in its three greater parts and let them melt with the soul of three nascent humans.

They consumed Their remaining power and Themself to impose to the world one last will, to let these divine sparks leave the dying host to find another one again and again and again, to always let people have someone to inspire them now that They can no longer watch over them.

First there’s the domain of the mind, which gives birth to individuals with extraordinary intelligence, able to coldly analyze every situation in order to obtain the best possible outcome. Second comes the domain of the heart, which gives birth to individuals filled with raw emotions, burning with the purest of them, able this way to inspire people to follow them and to become better themselves along the way. Last there’s the domain of the flesh, which gives birth to strong individuals, often incomparable warriors, filled with Their last desire, to use their strength to care and to protect.

And so in any era, if only someone was able to realize it, three people seemed to shine much more than any other with the gift they were unconsciously carrying, even if never once in human history these three reunited, always divided by space and chance.

But then over the centuries humanity has lost itself and the world has suddenly become incredibly small, walls sheltering people from giant wandering horrors and restraining them all in a confined bit of the world.

It took about a century, and then chance, or maybe fate, played its hand.


	6. Hands (ereri)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ereri | sfw | canonverse | [also on my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)

It never occurred to him that someone could be different. Be them in the Underground or in the military nothing changed, people's hands were rough, callous, often chapped and more often filthy.

Hands were a good mirror of their owners and Levi always avoided them. There was no reason at all to being in contact with something like this and as much as he didn't trust people so he didn't even trust those hands attached to those bodies. Filthy. Deceitful. Sometimes sinful.

He didn't like his own hands too. It was obvious. Every time he looked at them he could see blood woven with darkness, no matter how many times he washed them. It was a matter of concentration to put aside the memories, to live only the present moment, not to start convincing himself again that the darkness could taint whatever he touched, that he needed to clean it up.

There was no reason at all to being in contact with others, not if that could taint them too.

It never occurred to him that someone could be different, but then he saw Eren's hands slowly regrow, gradually taking their shape again from his stumps.

He sat on the edge of his bed, in the silence of the cabin's bedroom, he didn't know for how long, staring at the process until its end, almost trying to understand it only with his willpower and then it struck him.

Those were pristine hands. Not a scratch, not a mark, nothing at all.

He wondered what feeling they could give while touching them, it was like being intoxicated and he couldn't find inside himself the strength to stop when he reached for one of it, cautiously, barely brushing one finger with his ones.

It was a strange sensation, he felt nearly like being unable to control his own body, like watching at it moving from another point of view, just like a spectator, and before he even realized it he had already gently intertwined their fingers.

The softness was almost unbearable, unreal too, and he spent long moments contemplating it, running his thumb quietly on it. For the first time in his life he felt a different kind of fear, or was that what people called relief?

Those were hands that couldn't be tainted and he wondered if this could be true also for the boy lying down there, just beside him. It was a dangerous thought, and it was an exhilarating one. It was like a brand new world of chances opened before his eyes and it was terrifying. And soothing beyond any words.

He wondered how those pure hands could feel on him, he flirted with the thought of them being able to stroke his darkness remaining untainted, remaining spotless, and he knew he was doomed.

That night he left the room and the sleeping boy with a new hope, another one he owed him.


	7. wanderlust!Eren (gen)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> generic | sfw | alternate canon / future canon | [also on my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)

The titans are gone and somehow with his titan powers Eren lost also his memories. He doesn’t recognize his comrades, nor his revered superios, nor his beloved friends, he only feels deep inside him the need to see the world and so he does.

A lonely figure, wandering in this brand new world that the end of the walls just disclosed for him.  
And sometimes he returns, he needs to restock up food and some goods, and he really don’t know why but he finds himself always going back to the same places, to the same people.  
He becomes their acquaintance again, and in time their friend, but he never stops, he feels he has to achieve something, or maybe reach it, but still he doesn’t remember what.

And then one day he finally see the ocean. It takes him more than a year, it’s been the longest journey he has done, and on the shore, feet barely wet by the water, he almost collapses when memories impact his mind.

Tears are running on his face but the lips that taste salt are not sad, are smiling in happiness and fulfillment.  
Now it’s time to return for real. Now it’s time to start a new journey, this time in company.


	8. Each time (ereri)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ereri | sort of nsfw | bottom!Levi | underage | canonverse | [also on my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)

Each time, when the door of the bedroom closes, Eren becomes another person.

The insecurities leading him during the day, that hanging questions about the sense of his existence and his powers, that insatiable desire to please no matter what, they all shut down.

Bodies do not lie. Once they're bared to their skin people cannot lie and so he knows he's doing right, he doesn't need confirmation, it's crystal clear. Each sigh, each shiver, each moan makes him certain of himself and at least for a while he feels as if he were in the right place, doing exactly the right thing.

It's so powerful. It's intoxicating. It makes him feel perfectly in control and he loves it.

\---

Each time, when the door of the bedroom closes, Levi becomes another person.

The stone facade that he wears, the tone of command spitting harsh words, the need to be in control and to make choices that will affect the lives of many, they all shut down.

He lets him play his body like an instrument, his tongue and fingers inexorably opening the way towards his inner core, causing him emit sounds that he never would have expected. Each sigh, each shiver, each moan makes him feel a bit more like himself and a little less like the mythical figure that is Humanity's Strongest.

It's so liberating. It's intoxicating. It makes him feel perfectly cared for and he loves it.


	9. In retrospect (ereri)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ereri | sfw | modern au | also on [my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)

Eren can see how Levi tenses when he reaches for him out in the balcony.

More than five years since he gave up on him and seeing him like this, like he's trying to stop himself to bolt away from him, still hurts.

"Hey." No sense in trying to rethink it now. The moment he saw him there tonight, at the party celebrating his newfound success as a photographer, he knew he had to seek for the closure they never had.

"Hey."

Levi doesn't look at him, he simply carry on in nursing his drink, eyes on the city's skyline. This doesn't deter Eren, he knows by now how the other is, it's the main reason they're not together anymore.

"You pretty much disappeared from my life so I was wondering what you're doing here." There's no accusation in his tone but genuine curiosity and maybe a bit of melancholy.

"I'm Erwin plus one." The other shrugs, still tense, his hand gripping his glass so hard that his knuckles are white. He remains in silence for some moment and then he finally turns to him, his eyes a lot less inexpressive than what Eren remembered. "And I wanted to celebrate your success, I'm glad you made it."

Eren smiles lightly at that, not sure how to respond to it. Levi doesn't leave him the time to even think about it, his sigh catching his attention.

"I'm glad I pushed you away, otherwise this wouldn't have happened." He says it as a matter of fact and what surprises Eren the most is that it doesn't hurt because he knows it too. "You weren't even twenty, you couldn't spend your time holed up with an unsocial thirty and some year old, I was hindering you."

Eren eyes sting a bit at these words, but a soft smile of fondness creeps his way on his lips. "I know." He whispers, closing a bit the distance between them, now both leaning with their elbows on the balcony, their shoulders almost touching. "In retrospect it makes sense. It all does."

They stay like this, in silence, for Eren doesn't know how much, simply contemplating the view and the memories their little talk has brought up to the surface. It's peaceful and it's something he missed more than he'd like to admit.

"You know, no one says we couldn't try again..." Eren words are quiet and he doesn't know what to expect from the other, but he also know that if he leaves things like they're this will probably be the last time he'll see him and this is not the kind of closure he's searching for, with too much unsaid and unresolved crap between them.

Levi doesn't reply, not straightaway, but he turns to him, looking him right in the eyes like he's searching for some kind of answer. 

"How much I care for you doesn't change the fact that I'll often feel like I'm better off alone. I cannot help it and you know it." He explain plainly and Eren wasn't expecting it, the simple confirm that he's always been right, that Levi never ceased to feel something for him.

They're always been like this, they probably still are, haunted by the feeling of not perfectly falling together, the feeling of always being on the verge of approaching one another but never quite meeting in the same exact place. It should hurt, it did when he was younger and more idealist, or maybe only more naive, but now it's simply exactly what he was expecting and it's a relief.

"My work requires me to travel all around the world, most of the time for months..." He replies, an ancient light of determination lighting his eyes. "But I'd like to have a place I could call home to return to. And it's not like you're going to find anyone else able to stand your quirks." He adds in the end, a mischievous smirk stretching his lips, his shoulder bumping on the others' playfully.

Levi sighs at it but he doesn't deny it, fact that makes Eren's grin grow even larger and his attitude grow even bolder.

"I have a reservation at the hotel right in front of here. Spend the night with me Levi." The glare he receives back makes him laugh wholeheartedly and prompts him to rephrase his words. "Not in that way you perv! I mean let's catch up, we can drink and chat the night off and then we'll see. No pressure."

When Levi tugs lightly at his shirt hinting at the exit Eren cannot stop to grin at him. "I knew you couldn't stand to be in this crowd anymore!"

The other huffs, but one of the angle of his lips is curled up in a small smile. "Just shut up and get me out of here."


	10. To Hell (eruri)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eruri | sfw | canonverse | angst | spoilers for ch.80 | also on [my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)
> 
> inspired by [589ish little analysis](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/post/142404814625/) of chapter 80

Not once in his life Levi had been able to say goodbye to who mattered to him.

He couldn't do it with his comrades, not even the most important ones like his Squad, nor with Farlan and Isabel. He couldn't with his mother, who left him during the night making him wake up in the embrace of a corpse. And damn, Kenny had been even able to fool him twice, once when he left him in the Underground and the other when he died revealing his kinship too late to make it mean what should have.

Now, with debris raining on them and screams of despair surrounding him and Erwin, he feels strangely calm.

For the first time in his entire life he's given the gift to say goodbye, and he's determined not to waste it, no matters whether it implies he's going to die. At least now he can choose how. And saving Erwin's life to make him able to still lead the Legion to an improbable victory is how he wants to do it.

He starts to explain this to Erwin, but he's stopped by the other man. Erwin's voice is trembling while he rants about how near to realize his dreams he is, how near to discover the truth, and all for nothing, since he'll never be able to get there. He can't even stand still while he blabbers, sitting on a trunk as if his legs couldn't support him anymore.

Suddenly Levi realizes that Erwin is afraid. Worst, terrified.

It's such a strange concept to couple with him that for a moment Levi stills, unable to think. It's only an instant though, and then he knows what to do.

His features harden while he kneels in front of him, his decision taken. For once he'll be the one to make the choice. In the shitty situation they are, all he can give to Erwin to thank him for the years they've spent fighting together is that. To relieve him of the decision, to make it in his place. And so he does.

He's not good with words. He's in fact unable to offer a proper goodbye. But his voice doesn't shake when he literally sends Erwin to hell and this has to be enough, 'cause it makes Erwin's eyes clear again and stirs his lips in a small melancholic smile.

When Levi parts his way from the rest of the group he does it for once without any dread. They're probably all going to die, but this time he will have no regrets.


	11. Excuses (eruren)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eruren | sfw | canonverse | angst | sort of spoilers for ch.80 and up | [also on my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)

The first time he tells himself it is because he needs to motivate the new recruits.

He can spare some time on paperworks and expeditions plans to dine with the scouts, to make them feel the presence of their Commander, to appear real to them, one of them. It has nothing to do with bright eyes and a brighter will he can admire from distance this way.

The second time he tells himself it is because he has to keep close such a valuable asset.

It's only natural for him to include the boy in more and more meetings while months pass. It's the more practical way, the more logical one and it has nothing to do with the charge infusion the other's passion gives him.

The third time he tells himself he'd be a poor leader to do nothing and let the boy cry alone.

It's beneficial to the cause to comfort him while he's so frustrated from his failure in the hardening process that he can't keep his emotions in control. A good Commander should know when to push and when instead to console, talking softly the night away on a roof, just the two of them.

Then his excuses are so ingrained he stops trying to explain himself why he's attracted to the other like a moth to the flame. It's for a greater cause, it's beneficial for both of them, it's all part of one of his masterplans and in the end it's simply too good to be true.

He starts to spend more and more of his free time with him. It's refreshing, it makes him feel more human than ever and the moment he sees green eyes closing and soft lips approaching his ones he knows he's doomed.

They spend the night before heading out to Shiganshina together. He's glad to hear from the other he'll be able to let him go and think about the mission if all falls apart. He makes him proud of what the boy has become in the years.

He also knows it's only an excuse, just another one. He doesn't deserve what they have, he doesn't deserve to be happy, so it only feels right for it to end, whenever it will be.


	12. Simplicity (eruriren)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sort of epilogue for the [Maybe series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/173768), also readable as a standalone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sfw | canon divergence | post canon | hints of jeankasa | [also on my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)

They spend the afternoon on the lake shore, a light breeze caressing their skin and making the leaves sing a soft lullaby.

Erwin is drawing. He started again to portray living people instead of nightmare scenarios or still lives. Today his subject is Eren, a return to the origins of their relationship, when he limited himself to watch from afar, pouring on the paper what he felt and thought he couldn't act on. Time has been good to Eren, making him a handsome man, and the undercut he's sporting since the time they reunited highlights the curve of his nape, shining gold in the sun.

Eren is sunbathing while chatting with Levi, who's knitting at his side accepting whatever silly comment the other is making with a light smile. It's amazing how their decision to follow Eren in the outside world made them anew. Erwin never thought possible to witness to Levi smiling so freely as much as he never thought possible to just live, no big plans or big purposes to achieve.

Their life now is so simple it should be boring and yet, yet their ability to enjoy every single day is gifted to them to still stay together is something he's by now addicted to. They're formally with the Scouting Legion, but, since both Erwin and Levi retired years ago from the military, they have all the freedom they need to enjoy themselves and what their relationship has become.

What Erwin likes more than anything else is the unpredictability of their routine.

He loves waking up tangled together, Eren snoring and Levi already awake and muttering about how is ankle is killing him. He was Humanity's Strongest and now he made an art out of bitching like an old man about every little failure of his body. Truth is they're both old men by now, grey streaking their hair and bones sometimes creaking, but often Erwin wonders if Levi does it on purpose, to cheer Eren up about his condition, to make him feel like he is not the only one rotting away.

He also loves sharing a simple military tend at the end of each day, talking about whatever comes to their mind while waiting for sleep to come, hands treading skin with feather like touches while their heat melts in a comfortable nest.

Another thing he loves is having breakfast together with their old comrades, at least with who's still there. It's a pastime of them making wagers about when Jean will find the guts to confess to Mikasa, even if Eren guarantees she'll be the one to take the initiative. It's a sweet delight to find out day by day what Sasha cooked with Connie's aid and Hanji's and Armin's ranting about one of their new discovering are always hilarious and often what brings the next part of the day and its unpredictability: whatever Eren hears that catch his curiosity will be their next destination.

Today, without big discoveries aside from the existence of the lake, is dedicated to sunbathing, swimming and a gentle tenderness between them that has become usual and welcome. It's like they all regret how much time they lost before accepting what they could have been and now every moment is right to share some kind of intimacy, be it a light caress or the soft lovemaking of a couple of hours before.

Erwin doesn't know how much time is left for them and for once he doesn't care. A happy sigh leaves his lips while he traces the last line on the paper, putting his sketchbook aside to join the others. If uncertainty is the price to pay for what in the end life gifted them he'll not complain, he has not time to waste on it.


	13. Only Human (eruriren)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eruriren | sfw-ish | alternate universe | modern setting | [also on my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)
> 
> TW: excessive use of philosophical references for something shorter than 1k words

The thick and hot air of Kolkata in Mid March is seeping into their room making Levi uncomfortable and sticky.

Erwin is half curled on the writing desk, handwriting away with sacred fury on some scattered papers. He's the one who insisted to keep the air conditioning off, letting the smells, the sounds and the stuffiness of the city get into the room. He said they help him to give his essay the right tone, whatever it means.

Levi will never fully understand Erwin's fascination with philosophy. He's a man of action, he likes to see with his eyes the results of his work and nothing more than seeing a series of cinnamon rolls rise perfectly in the oven of his shop satisfies him. It's simple, it's concrete and it doesn't push him into his head to ram it with useless questions.

He loves watching Erwin at work though. He loves the passion he puts in what he does. It's the main trait which allowed Erwin to grow close to Eren and it's also the trigger of many of their arguments. Discussions maybe. Levi still doesn't understand how fiercely arguing for more than an hour upon some shit like the ontological argument by St. Anselm of Canterbury could be considered a healthy discussion, but that's it. In the end he loves both his idiots even because of that.

Is not like Eren has the same understanding level of the other, being an affirmed photographer doesn't leave much time for studying in deep whatever subject his mind fancies, but Eren is a man of strong opinions and nothing could stop him to defend them, not even a lack of real knowledge of the argument, not when logic and dialectic are enough to debate it. 

Levi stretches on the bed lazily, starting to get bored out of his mind. Eren likes to say he reminds him of a cat, shifty and prone to affection only when and how pleases him and, well, right now he cannot really blame him. He chuckles at the thought before returning his attention on Erwin.

"What exactly are you writing about again?"

The other sighs, but when he turns to face him there's a fond smile on his lips. "Neoplatonism and indian philosophy, the idea is to develop some ideas from a collection of essays published about fifteen years ago."

Levi rolls his eyes in mockery. "How exciting," he deadpans, shaking his head a bit, "where's Eren?"

Erwin shrugs, returning his attention on his pile of scattered paper. "He was growing restless and he said he was going to investigate about the ruckus of some time ago. He reminds me more and more often of Nietzsche's Dionysian with his embracing of life whatever it brings him with its flow. You should have seen the thrill in his eyes... I think you were napping."

Levi is about to reply that no, he's not like a cat just as Eren says, that the same Eren burst into their room, brightening it with the biggest smile Levi has ever seen on his face and a cacophony of colors Levi struggles to immediately realize what is due to.

Eren is literally covered in colors, some kind of powder it seems. Half of his face is a deep reddish purple and the other half a bright yellow stripped acid green. Even his clothes are covered in colors, from deep blue to turquoise to purple again, spurts of the same acid green sprinkled all over.

He's laughing now, a joyful heartfelt laugh that would be contagious if Levi were not shocked by the sudden appearance.

"No one told me today was Holi festival!" Eren is clearly trying to scold them, but he's still chuckling, running a hand through his hair, making himself more endearing than intimidating.

"And here comes the third metamorphosis, the laughing child."

Erwin's one is barely a whisper, but Levi catches it nonetheless as well as the look of pure adoration in the other's eyes, lost in contemplation of the wonder that is Eren himself. Levi cannot help to smile with fondness, getting out off the bed to push his grimy and colorful lover towards the bathroom.

"C'mon, let's make you clean again."

They spend the afternoon peeling Eren out of his clothes. What should have been a rapid and efficient task finalized to a result swiftly becomes a ceremony, a ritual, the silent worship of a god brought by a tangle of limbs brushing together, the touch of skin arousing the need to celebrate the passion of Eren's still echoing laugh. Every soft passage of a sponge is a gesture of devotion. Every languid touch is a prayer. Every delicate kiss on now pristine skin is an act of veneration climaxing with the blessing of their god. 

When long after they collapse on the bed Levi feels sated in a way he never experienced before. Eren has started chuckling again, realizing only now how he totally forgot to bring his camera with him. His expression is the one of a man who couldn't care less and who is completely satisfied to have just lived, no need in the world to fix it on a digital memory. Levi is about to make a fool of himself ranting something stupid and unsuitable to express the overwhelming feelings that are flooding him when Erwin anticipates him.

"You truly are Nietzsche's Overman." He murmurs, his lips still tracing the curves of the other's body.

Eren smiles with fondness at that, shaking his head a bit, lazy and beautiful. "Nah, I'm only human."


	14. Cold Embrace (eruren)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eruren | sfw | canonverse | erwin-centric | angst | aftermath of torture | mention of blood and other body fluids | spoilers for ch.57 and up | [also on my Tumblr](http://sihaiya.tumblr.com/tagged/drabble)

The cell is cold and damp and it should be taxing to Erwin if the smell of stagnant water didn't cover at least a bit the acrid stench of his body fluids.

They made a number on him, taking advantage even of his still healing stump, trying to force out of him something, anything. It makes him chuckle, a subtle rivulet of drool dripping out of his mouth, his only arm left chained to the wall, making him unable to brush it off.

He's glad Nile wasn't here, it leaves him the illusion he doesn't know about his condition, it makes it more bearable this way.

Erwin knows he courted Death more than once in his life. He's been reckless, always after a great deal of planning, always weighing the pros and cons, but still always putting his life into play. He knows for sure that deep inside a part of his mind is convinced he doesn't deserve the life he's living, he should be the one enclosed in the cold embrace of the grave instead of his father. It's an intestine fight the one he has every day between giving up to what he deserves and keeping going on, making just another little step towards the truth, the only thing that always mattered to him.

Now, buried underground in what could be his grave for real, he realizes something has changed. The phantom pain in his arm is a constant reminder of it. When it came to Eren he acted on instinct. He's still not sure it happened for real: the charge into the fray of titans, the loss of his arm, flying without being able to use one of his cables to free the boy. It seems impossible. It still feels like a dream, even if the pulsing of his wound rising up to his shoulder and neck says otherwise.

Now he realizes he's not been honest with himself. That day he hadn't thrown careful planning and rational thinking to the wind just because they were losing the most valuable asset they had. Sure that was true nonetheless, but there was something else, a creeping sense of despair at the risk of letting Eren being stolen.

It should be comical how the revelation comes to him in the darkness of his cell, surrounded by the stench of excrements and the sickly sweet taste of blood, when it seems to be too late to do something about it. It's relieving instead. He makes him think for the first time that there could be a future after he discovers the truth. He makes him hope for a different life, for a better one, one where he could pursue what he needs, who he needs, without feeling like guilt is drowning him.

Another chuckle escape his lips, an appeased one. If this is what he needed to feel this way for the first time in decades, then it's been worth it, even if he has to pay this new awareness with his life. And if a turn of luck saves him even this time, well, now he knows what he'll be willing to die for.


End file.
